Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
