the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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