I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
