You made me cry and you don't even care
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
