Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
