just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
