My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
