The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
