I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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