I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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