i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
