You're my little dorito
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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