I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
