I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
