i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
