if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
