Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
