Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
