Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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