So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
