Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
