These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
