If i come over, it means nothing
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
