I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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