if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
