My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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