i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
