i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
