god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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