I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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