Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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