there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
