it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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