Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
