cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He better not be in your backpack
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
