I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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