okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
