And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
