i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
