I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I believe in your delicious
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
