Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
