were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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