i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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