i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
