I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Randomize
