I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
