i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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