I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
