You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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