The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
