He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
