just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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