Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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